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Shared by the person who channels Clovistia known as Blessed Hostess.
This is her life after death experience of the beginning of time . . .

{A real past life memories by Blessed Hostess, the person who channels Clovistia. The images that are shown are not meant to be historically accurate. They are chosen because they best represent the memory itself}.

It was a boring school afternoon, and the light was just starting to drift towards evening, yet enough to grab a quick ride on my horse. She was young and inexperienced, in the middle of training, and fractious. I, too, was young and inexperienced and thought of myself as a horse trainer. Training her had always been so easy, but today, no amount of pull could get her to yield to my requests. I thought a moment, ah ha, a different set of reins, something with more strength, or perhaps, I could just pull her head all the way around to get her to just yield. I sat firmly in the saddle, and gave a good yank on the left rein, momentarily she stopped and turned her head back towards me. I thought, ok, we are getting somewhere, suddenly the next moment she launched straight up into the air, her head whipping side to side. I could feel her beginning to fall backwards, like a great yawn of slowing time, up, up, and then her legs no longer touched the ground, she was falling with me. I could feel the ground coming up fast towards my back. Blackness. Nothing. Abruptly . . . Color! Bright, vivid color! Like swimming underwater and then suddenly bursting to the surface and being surrounded by color compared to underwater. It was shockingly vibrant. The color was almost alive, and it attacked my senses. I became aware that I was standing on a great high hill, that felt like a mountain. The grass was a brilliant green that undulated in the breeze, and I became aware of a sweet soft breeze going by. It touched my cheeks, and I became aware of my hair whipping against my face. I held out my arms and it felt like I could fly. The breeze became wind that surrounded my back, rushed around my outstretched arms. Gradually, I became aware of a being, possibly an angel, male, with long white robes, standing to my right.

“You cannot stay here, you must return”, he spoke in a deep voice.

I looked around and felt like the hill had grown into a mountain, with nothing around but clouds below us. It was magnificent. The radiance of love permeated everything. I felt a vast sense of belonging and wonder swept over me.

“Please let me stay”, I pleaded.

“It is not your time; you have much to do. You are needed elsewhere”, he said.

“Can I ask one question?” I requested.

“Yes, you may”, he replied.

“Why Life?”, I said, I needed to know.

He raised his right hand to point to the right and pow! we were moving through time, like a celestial rocket, I was flying, and time rushed past my face. I closed my eyes, as the feeling enveloped me. After what seemed like only moments I abruptly stopped. I became aware that there was a great deal of excitement to such a great degree that you could feel the electricity in the air. I was swept into a vortex with thousands and thousands of beings like myself drifting down to the Earth. I knew that I was part of something beyond my ability to be aware, and I could only know that we were all part of one thing. I looked above me and knew immediately the profoundness of this moment. God was shedding part of his ethereal body into Souls and we were falling like rain towards the Earth. We were in fact a piece of God himself, a living, throbbing, gelatinous ball of unconditional love beyond my words today. As we drift further away from God, we became unique individuals. I screamed out to stop. Please bind me back with you. Please keep all the souls together as one, where we all belonged. I was falling backwards and looking up into Holy God himself. So selfless, so loving. He chose to create each of us in his image of love. So vast was the unconditional love, it hurt to leave. We did not bodies yet. We were simply balls of holy ethereal energy. There was joy, laughter, glee, jubilation as all the souls fell together towards Earth, darting back and forth, learning to have our own independence. God had made a decision to shed pieces of himself into souls that would allow him to understand everything that is, was, will be in absolute awareness with all genders, colors, ages, places, times, etc.

At any given moment, he knows all and controls all. Nothing would happen on Earth without God being aware of it and sanctioning it.  As a newly shed soul it was a very spectacular and spiritual time.  The joy and excitement of being part of something bigger than us was beyond words. I was smiling endlessly. There where thousands of souls, as far as my awareness could see, as we fell, they surrounded me. We floated down and stood together waiting with anticipation to learn what it all meant.  Suddenly the Arch Angel Michael appeared and pointed to a vast sea of choices.  All different colors and sizes, undulating in the beautiful light, as far as I could see or be aware. We all shrieked with joy! One by one each soul walked into the vastness and were given a coat of awareness to wear that would connect us with God.  He would be absolutely aware of everything and this coat of awareness would resonate through all our lives as our focal point that gave God the ability to know everything that was simultaneously happening from a physical, spiritual, experiential vantage point. God had rained us all down, but he still had a string running back to his being, a cord of life of sorts. He knows everything that you think, feel, express, create. Your wants and desires. Your fear and hatred. Your physical, emotional, spiritual joy and pain. That tiny thread is with you always. He knows. He knows everything. You cannot hide or lie. It is not possible. After choosing a coat of awareness God directs you to do the work that he needs from you. You are absolutely unique in this universe, in eternity. You will experience exactly what he needs through you, this Coat is your vehicle that will entwine itself through your lives. You have absolutely no idea how much you mean to God.

I was also aware that somehow all time was happening at once. I know that sounds crazy, but the perfection of this concept danced in my mind. I eagerly waited for my turn to arrive, and I could hardly contain myself.  Finally, it was my turn to walk into the sea of choices to discover my mission and find my coat of awareness. It felt much like wading through invisible water, all warm and inviting. I looked around waiting for a sign to know which coat would be mine. They all looked amazing and inviting.  Suddenly I saw a beautiful blue coat that was spectacular, absolutely dazzling in its beauty, it was beyond words. All the other coats seemed to fade into the distance, and I knew this was the one for me.  I could not take my eyes off of it. I marveled at its beauty as I put it on, and strutted around looking down at it, admiring the magnificence. I was overcome with the excitement and joy of going forward to do God’s work. This coat opened my awareness to the extreme and I felt totally aware of my connection with God. I was absolutely willing to go forward to be His hands. I was acutely aware that God was in me. God was part of everyone. I was to walk the physical plane so that He would know about us all, every soul that has ever incarnated, and this includes animals, and any living creature, sea life, botanical life, insects, etc. contains a piece of God and he feels our emotions.

This was absolutely the most amazing awareness I could possibly ever have as a soul having a human experience. Inside every soul we all know all these things. We are all finely tuned with God, but as humans we experience God’s veil which prevents us from having this awareness.  If we knew all of this, we would want to go back, and it would pollute God’s ability to challenge us. It is the reason suicide is considered so bad in all religions. I was basking in this awareness and waiting to be told what the awareness would be from the coat I was wearing. Suddenly, an Angel, standing to my left behind me, instructed me to turn around to my right, so that I could see the lives that would be ahead of me. The road ahead was filled with lives of pain, suffering, poverty, death, dying… I saw myself as a victim, and then I was falling, tumbling, and then a hard bang and I was back in my body, racked with pain. I could not breath. It hurt so badly to breath. I could not move. I lay in the dirt, and I could not think about anything but pain. I was alive. I was back in my body. My glimpse of God and the beginning to time on this planet had ended. Why? Why? I do not understand. Everything did not fit in my human brain. The memory was just past my fingertips. I immediately missed Heaven. I wanted to go back. I became angry that I could not stay in Heaven. I was angry that I did not know what the meaning of the coat of awareness. I had no road map, no guide, no one to show me the way. The adults had no idea what had happened and simply took me home. Apparently, I told everyone I was fine. But, for me, I did not remember anything for days. How long was I gone? a moment, a day? Who knew? Who cared? I wasn’t in Heaven and that is all I cared about. I have spent the remainder of my life trying to understand what happened that moment. Why was I sent back and when could I return? I long to return to my heavenly home, that amazing place of love and beauty, back to my real and true home with God.


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