Alexander
This is an exciting life that I am eager to share with you. This particular life was remembered during past life therapy with Dr. Kathryn Leeman. You will hear the life as it evolved in here office so long ago.
But first I am going to ask you listeners to help me out a bit with this life. We all know that my voice is the voice of a woman named Grace. But, for a few moments, I need you to forget that and instead imagine a man’s deep resonating voice. In this life I am tall, maybe 6’5”, heavily muscled and athletic, perhaps like an athlete. He has shoulder length blond hair and blue eyes. Handsome.
For a moment I need you to hear his voice instead of mine or at least try to. Can you just image him instead of me, because it will work best for the sharing of this life, which will be in the first person, as I originally experienced it. I will also be adding questions from Kathryn during the guided meditation to help complete the memory.
Kathryn welcomes me into her office and asked me to relax in her big blue chair. She asks me to share the story that brought me to her door.
I have been seeing a recurring image in my head. I am positive that something bad is associated with this image, maybe someone has died. Maybe I have made a bad choice. I can’t explain it. But, it is causing me anxiety, my palms are sweaty every time I think of this image or when it drifts it to my mind.
I am holding a big sword in my hand. It has a giant handle and on this handle are some decorations, and one of them is a round mirror about the size of a thumbnail and I can see my reflection in the mirror.
It is the face of a man; I blink my eyes and know that it is my face.
Looking at this image in the mirror causes my anxiety to rise and I think it is the source of some of the panic attacks that I have been having. I cannot explain it and I cannot get away from this single image. It’s like I want to change the channel, but I can’t.
Kathryn begins the guided meditation. I take several deep breaths.
As I begin to relax more deeply, I am expecting to see the image of the sword handle that I just described. But, as I feel myself beginning to drift I realize that it is into another place, but it is not on this earth.
It is a place that I can’t identify from any previous experiences. I want to say a room, but that doesn’t fit. At the same time, I want to say a cloud, but that doesn’t really fit either.
I stand and take the entire experience in, looking around, gradually I realize that I am here as my soul, not as being, or a human or a personality. I don’t have a physical body yet, I am frequency and mist, which is the best way to describe my appearance.
On the outside I look like mist but inside I am complex living divine frequency, this is an awareness that feels right, it feels like me. As I plug into it I realize that it is my soul awareness. I plunge right into the feeling and am aware that I feel marvelous.
Present at the meeting is the Divine Source aka God, as well as some angels that seem to have a higher awareness and know what is going to transpire. It is a spiritual meeting or sorts.
I became aware that there are other souls arriving. I am not certain what is going on but there is great expectation and excitement by all in the room.
The new arrivals have different types of frequencies and appeared as mist as well. I recognized their frequency. I know who they were, on some level, I have been with them before. Some of them are greatly loved and I am eager to be with them again.
I am becoming aware that I am participating in aa profound assembling of souls from many lifetimes. Possibly of all of my lives.
These souls will become my relatives, and I kind of see a mystery unfolding in front of me. The souls that present acknowledged my frequency, then they kind of come forward into my aura, allowing their frequency to pass thru mine.
I eagerly tip forward and joined their frequency with mine sealing sacred contracts that will guide my life. This is of joining frequencies is a very big deal.
In that moment my gender is determined, I would be a boy, as well as my physical attributes; I would be tall and athletic, the location on the planet where this would all occur, Roman territories.
My parents walk out of the mist, and we sign contracts, then they turn and vanish.
Next, my siblings and they leave.
It is quiet for a moment, and then suddenly, my wife appears. Like a mirage and then she comes into focus. I love this soul beyond words, and I recognized her vibration immediately from other lifetimes and I was very, very happy that she was signing on to ultimately be with me.
I looked forward to life and how it would unfold. I can hardly believe she is agreeing to be with me in this life, I realize how lucky I am. I am humbled actually. As she departs into the mist, I think that we are done, but I am wrong.
A huge group of about 28 beings arrive and come forward as a group to stand before me. They are making a proposal to me, to create a commitment in this life that will affect each of them individually.
They ask if I would be willing to murder them, each, not as a group. Initially there is just quiet and calm in my frequency. I really am not aware of any thought pattern. It is still, but on a deep spiritual level, I understand. But the awareness of the depth of the request surrounds me.
I am personally looking back and forth at the souls, and this opportunity seems as if it will have vast consequences, and I am concerned how it will affect me from a negative vantage point.
But as quickly as I become aware of the request, it is expressed to me that it will be a great sacrifice on my behalf. I realize that for me to be willing to murder each of these souls is extraordinarily important and the soul growth that can only come from this specific end to a life is unique for all souls.
They show me on a spiritual level that these souls will know their whole life, that it would be an early end. It would allow them to grow as much as possible through their entire life knowing that it would be cut short.
Ultimately, in the blink of an eye, I agreed to this, although there were no further details and the contracts were signed, one by one each soul walks into my aura to share my frequency.
I am aware that this is just a skeleton of what the opportunities would be, but I am excited and look forward to being born in a matter of days.
At this moment the veil between here and now with the other side closes. I had no awareness from that point forward and I knew the Spiritual meeting that I had just participated in had ended.
I take a deep breath, and I am once again back in Kathryn’s office. The awareness is amazing and overwhelming. It is going to be interesting to see how this life plays out.
We rest for a moment, and I try to think of nothing.
I adjust myself in my chair trying to settle in and becoming aware that I am moving to another time.
We stop and I find myself standing in the middle of a long corridor kind of type structure. There are arches on one side leading to a garden and behind me is a long wall. I am standing approximately in the middle of the length, with my back towards the wall, facing the arches, my mind is spinning, and I am looking at my sword with this mirror on it.
This is the actual moment in time that has been repeated over and over this entire period of time. I am looking at my face for strength, but I find none.
Kathryn asks me, ”How do you feel?”
I feel doom, overwhelming doom, the feeling sweeps over me and suddenly I can hardly breathe, I just know any moment something tragic is going to happen and I am associated with it.
I can feel it in the air. I am electrified. I have goosebumps all over my body and the frequency is causing my skin to pulsate. I have tingles and creepy crawlies running around my body. Fear is shooting down my spine.
My first awareness is that I am male, but I feel like I am having a heart attack, I yell at Kathryn, “get me out of here!!” I can’t do this, I can’t breathe. Take me back to the safety of your room.
Kathryn says, “ok come completely back and let’s try another technique. Are you ok? Are you back? What did you experience?”
I said, “I dropped into this other life at the exact moment in time that I am looking at the small mirror on the sword, I could see myself more clearly and I was filled with anxiety and helplessness. It was the exact moment that I had been seeing over and over in my mind.
And before we could get out of his body I could hear in the distance her screaming my name, Alexander, Alexander, Alexander save me! Alexander please!
Extreme fear grips my heart, and I can barely breathe. Get me out of here!”
Kathryn said, “you are safe in my office. Take a deep breath and let your emotions return to normal.
Let’s try to go back in time on the wings of an eagle. You are only allowed to view this on the TV screen you do not need to relive this again. You’ve already done that. We are going to go slowly. You are now the narrator, not a participant. Can you do that? Do you understand?”
I shake my head, yes, I will try to see it on a TV screen.
Kathryn says, “We are going to fly back into time on the wings of an eagle. Are you OK with that?”
I shake my head yes.
Kathryn says, “imagine that I am sitting on an eagle’s back, holding on to the wings.
I take a deep breath and relax. I feel the eagle and the wings, and I begin leaning forward to see what is going to happen. With each pump of the wings, we go further back in time. Gradually we are slowing down and as I arrive I see that I have arrived at a different point in time, thank god, maybe I can stop this tragedy from happening.
Kathryn asks, “who are you?”
“Alexander”
Kathryn, “where are you”.
In the palace in Rome.
Kathryn asks, ”are you an emperor?”
No
Kathryn, “what do you do in the place?”
I am a paid assassin.
Kathryn, “do you work for the emperor?”
I do, but I am not a gladiator. Those fools are evil; they play with their victims and torment them. They can take hours to kill one man. I do not. I take my job very seriously.
When I am assigned a criminal, I do not mess around. I finish the job quickly, there is no escape or option, I am always the victor. People fear me, I am deadly. They know that if I am assigned to them then it is an absolute death sentence. There will be no chance for escape or reprieve.
I am abnormally tall, overly muscled, very athletic and dangerous. My body and size are similar to the hulk. When I walk through the palace people avoid me. I have few friends, which is best. My mother always said that I was blessed with beauty. I have longer blond hair and blue eyes. I am a favorite of the ladies and have my pick of any and all.
Kathryn asks, “What is your life like?”
My life is perfect. I have a job that I enjoy, and I have everything that I want, I can ask for no more.
Today I am training, and I have just finished, so I am going to the baths.
I will be massaged with spirit oils; my sweat and oils will be scraped off and saved to be sold to others. My sweat is in great demand and very valuable. I am the best at what I do. A champion, a champion’s sweat is of great value.
I am leaving the training field, and I head towards my favorite bath house. Abruptly I am grabbed by the arm by a woman’s small hand and pulled into a corner behind a silk drape.
Kathryn asks, “who has grabbed you?”
It is the queen. I despise the queen. She is the absolute worst human of all, not fit to be called a Roman. She coerces and tricks people into saying or doing things that they do not want to do and most of all the emperor. She is a liar, and she is dangerous.
Kathryn asks, “what does she want?”
She is saying words to me, to entice me and wrapping her body around mine, and she is pulling a long white scarf around my neck. She is making me an offer to be alone privately. She would like my body. I want to vomit. I am searching my mind for an excuse, but she knows that I am very fit, and I have had many encounters with many many beautiful women.
She sees that my excuse is a lie. She considers herself the greatest prize. She is insulted that I have no interest in ravishing her. I am staring down at her; I have no emotion on my face.
She comes closer to me and begins wrapping herself around me closely trying to grab my body and I am reaching out and holding her hands away from me, I do not want her to even touch me.
But she is whispering.
She is giving me an ultimatum. I am required to lay with her, or she will charge my wife with heresy, a death sentence. My mind immediately goes to my beloved Alesophinia, and extreme anxiety fills my brain, my chest wants to explode.
My beloved wife is my heart and the love of my life. I will die for her without hesitation, and I will also kill for her without hesitation, and it would be a pleasure to kill for her.
Kathryn asks, “but what about all the other woman you mentioned earlier?”
I am roman, it is my right. Women are free to me, as many as I want. I do not care about any of them. If they ask for me, I oblige. I owe them nothing and they are nothing to me but pleasure.
But my beloved is like my tiny, sweet flower. She is smaller than all the rest of the women with beautiful soft skin. I have always been very gentle and cautious with her. I would never treat her like those other women who demand much different treatment.
No, she is very fragile and gentle, my beautiful sweetness.
The Queen has given me until morning to make up my mind, although she has given me no choice.
I panic and am in a rush to get home. My mind is swimming in anxiety. I am thinking as I exit the palace of all the ways I will murder the queen.
But one step at a time.
First I will go home and find my beloved Alesophinia, we will pack and depart the city tonight. No one will find us. I will take her to a safe place.
But, before I am aware, I have crossed the city, and I am at my front door. The sun is just starting to set as I walk inside. I look around and see the light streaming through my window into long shadows cast across the main room.
The inside is eerie, instantly I know that she is gone. They have taken my love away. They arrived before I could. I am too late. The house is spooky quiet.
I sit for a moment with my head in my big hands. I lament my situation and wish I had shown her how valuable she was to me. I never expressed my feelings, always keeping silent, the roman way.
Anxiety races through my body and up my spine, tingly electrical shocks cause my muscles to jerk. It feels like anxiety is coming out my sweat glands. I cannot think straight or form a complete sentence anymore.
But suddenly I remember that my father in law. He is a wise man, and he will know what to do. He is a reputable man and a good friend; he knows many people at court and the palace. He is very well known. I head for his house to seek help and guidance; my mind is in turmoil.
I am too dignified to run, although I truly want to get there as soon as I can and I wish I had taken a moment to grab a horse. I make my way all the way across town and when I arrive I find him out in the stable area.
He competes in chariot racing at the games, and he is out in what looks like a garage of sorts, he is checking a repair on his racing chariot. I tell him about the situation with his daughter and the queen’s proposal or threat, however you look at it.
He listens patiently and he thinks about it. He knows my status at court. He states that not many will challenge me and says that he has no control over issues at the court, but he feels confident that it will resolve by morning, because surely the queen will not pursue this disastrous threat that could backfire on her. No, he thinks all will be well by morning.
K Can you stop for one moment and describe the scene around you?
The sun is almost down, and it is just beginning to change from a blue sky to gray, there are clouds and what remains of a sunset. I am standing in a large courtyard and their fit athletic horses being groomed around the edges in small stalls. The lanterns are being lit by slaves.
As I leave my father-in-law’s house I pray that he right and it will all be resolved tmrw prior to the games. I am quickly snapped back to the awareness that I have work to do over the next few days, stadium games. I have an entire book of criminal executions tomorrow before the games begin.
I decide to go home and prepare for the games, I also decide that if the queen wants it, she can have it. Nothing is worth risking my beloved. I am awake most of the night and decide to go to the palace early to find the queen.
I arrive and enter the big room where the emperor will sit to listen as the criminal names are called and assigned to the executioners. I see the queen off to the side, she is staring at me when I arrive. Strange. Very strange. She never does THIS, and I am somewhat alarmed at her behavior.
Certainly, I will refuse to talk to her in the emperor’s presence. I make an excuse to go down the hall near her direction and as I pass I signal her to follow and we duck behind a drape where I let her know my agreement and offer my services, as long as my wife is returned.
She agrees but insists that it must be here and now.
I am confused. Morning. Here. Before meeting with the emperor?
My meeting with the emperor cannot be delayed and I must be in the big room, in my spot, prior to meeting the emperor to hear the list of names of the criminals on my list. The timing is all wrong.
But I am eager to get this over with. My visit is quick, and I am abusive with the queen to get my job is done quickly. My mind immediately turns to waiting for my beloved to be returned. I leave the queen, and I take my spot in the big hall as the emperor arrives. I gather my thoughts.
Soon they call everyone to the big hall to meet with the emperor and distribution of criminals. As my name is called those on my assignments list wail in despair, they know their fate is sealed. Death, but I am oblivious.
I am looking at the door, my wife may be here at any moment. I have my plans all set. As soon as I can get my hands on her we will leave the city immediately. My mind wanders when the queen arrives and everyone stops the activities in the room. She struts across the room and sits near the emperor. My mind is sorting through options as I review and revise my plans for escape as I wait.
But suddenly I hear my beloved alesophinia’s name being called on the criminal death list. She has been charged with heresy as threatened.
But how can this be?
I have done what I was asked. I have fulfilled my obligation.
The queen must release her.
It was agreed and bargained.
I look around, but slowly I become aware that my wife has been added to my death list. My blood runs cold. The taste of adrenaline is in my mouth. My eyes can’t focus. I do not react. I refuse to give the queen any satisfaction. She has betrayed me.
My thoughts are drowning in anxiety. How will I save her? How? How? How? The list of death orders is finally complete, but no matter what I refuse to kill my wife. I will die first.
People begin leaving the room, and it grows quiet as everyone disappears. I am alone and for the first time in my life helpless. Absolutely helpless. I decide to go back towards the criminal holding areas in an attempt to break her out.
I am walking down the corridor when I realize this is the moment in time that I have been seeing over and over and over in my mind. I look down at my reflection in my mirror on my sword. I see the pained face of myself full of fear.
Kathryn says, “Remember you must watch this on a movie screen in your mind, you don’t have to experience it again. Are you listening to me?”
But I cannot stop now. I am trying to catch my breath. My heart is beating out of my chest. My head bangs with the pounding of my heart. I am frozen in time looking at the little mirror. Time seems to stand still.
Then, in the distance, a woman’s voice . . . my wife’s horrified voice, pleading and screaming my name.
Alexander….
Alexander….
Save me….
Alexander.
The terror in her voice overwhelms my senses.
It is my beloved Alesophinia. She has been thrown to the lions. I can hear the roaring, snapping, snarling and the attack. I can hear her soft screams are becoming faint, until it is over, so quickly.
My muscles, which are normally so strong and supple, are now frozen and I cannot move an inch.
My shoulders slump as I stand in the corridor.
I am going to murder someone.
The face that is looking back at me from the mirror has changed to pure anger. I cover my eyes for a few moments as my mind races to make choices and I fear that I am having a heart attack. My anxiety is palpable, and I can taste the adrenaline in my mouth.
I refuse to die before I murder her.
Kathryn says, “Alexander what are you going to do?”
Hammurabi, eye for an eye
Kathryn states, “Alexander stop whatever you are doing? And talk to me”.
No one will stop me; I am passing all the guards. They know me. They trust me.
I am going up into the stands to the royal boxes. Searching for the queen. She is sitting by the emperor in the royal boxes. She is surrounded by guards. She is smug.
She tips her head as if she is invincible.
Kathryn says, “Alexander talk to me. What do you see? What is happening? Alexander!”
I am carrying my biggest sharpest sword and am holding it at waist height. It is heavy and very very sharp and deadly.
No one has noticed me except the queen. Our eyes meet and she visually challenges me.
I look to my left and right. The guards are my friends, no one has reacted, I am trusted. I am authorized.
I stare harshly straight into her eyes.
Time stands still.
In the blink of an eye, I murdered her. Before she could scream or react. I stared her straight into her eyes, she knew in that moment that I will get my revenge for the death of my beloved Alesophinia, who was so small, barely 100 lbs, her beautiful skin was so smooth and fragile.
The Lions immediately tore her to pieces; she never had a chance. The queen thought she would win. But now she knows in this exact moment that she did not win.
I am holding the sword so tightly my muscles are flinching. She knew I had won and like slow motion I ram my sword completely through her torso, her black heart is torn into 2. Her chest is ripped nearly completely in 2 pieces and is gaping open. I watch her mind as it is briefly aware and processes this outcome and the smile leaves her face. Blood is spraying all over the royal box.
Suddenly the guards react to save the emperor, but I have no interest in him. He is a weak man, but he has done no harm to me. I am standing motionless. I hand them my sword. I do not resist.
The royal box is full of blood at this point, and I see her body on the chair, I can see the devastation that my sword and muscles caused, and she is torn nearly in half, and she has bled out. Her head on the top and waist on the bottom is all that remains connected. She is not smiling any longer. She will never betray me again.
Kathryn asks, “what is going to happen to you?”
I do not care. My beloved is gone. I have no will to live. I shrink in size, my shoulders slump, my head hangs in despair. I will be executed shortly. There is no need for a trial.
Everyone saw the outcome, there were screams of shock all around. I will be beheaded. I want this to happen as soon as possible. I want to get this over with. I want to go and try to catch up with my wife on the other side. I must apologize to her. I must hold her one more time.
I am begging the executioner, Please do this now. They are taking me down to the stadium in front of all as a deterrent. Who cares? Just get it over with. I suggest that they use my sword it is very sharp.
Kathryn asks, “What is happening? can you describe it?”
I am dead. It is over. I felt no pain. My job here is done and I am drifting away towards a golden light on the other side, the veil of time has lifted, and I am joined by the energies related to the sacred spiritual contracts. Surprisingly my Mother is here. Dear Mother. I did not expect this. But I don’t see my wife so far.
Kathryn asks, ”Grace are you back or is this still Alexander?”
I am back as Grace, he has faded away onto the other side, but I think I can answer a few questions that you might have.
Kathryn asks, “Do you recognize anyone? if you don’t mind sharing”.
I realize that I recognized some of these people from my current life, in fact I would say 80% of the people in this past life are the same people in my current life, but different relationships completely. The queen for example. I know exactly who she is, her frequency is exactly the same.
However, this current person does not remember anything about Rome. She has not changed much attitude wise, she is a narcissist, she has a bullying personality, and no respect for others. She feels that she is the only one who matters, at whatever cost. She has not evolved much since this terrible life.
So sad. I can feel that negative frequency and I have never trusted her, nor wanted to have a relationship.
My beloved Alespohinia, she is my friend Pam. I recognized her immediately; her frequency is undeniable.
I have creepy crawlies again and I have to share, as myself a real-life eerie event with Pam. Last week she invited me to her house to pick up something and it was the first time I had visited her house.
When I entered her front door there is a shockingly realistic huge picture of 2 male roaring lions in the living room. It covers a great deal of the main wall. I stopped and stared at it stating to her that they were creepy. She agrees, but said that she just felt drawn to them, as if they were somehow familiar. I made an offhand comment that it must be a past life thing, and she just laughed.
But today after this memory of Alexander’s life and my relationship with Pam as Alesophinia, I am completely surprised that she has this picture.
Alexander’s commanding voice says, “How can she have lions in her home?”
He is annoyed that she has a lion in her home and is not happy about the picture at all. His attitude is very possessive and stern, as if he is ordering the removal of the picture for her safety.
Kathryn asks, “what kind of emotional connection did you have with her before this past life memory?”
Romantically, none, but when I initially met her, we just hit it off and immediately we were best friends. I personally wanted to spend as much time with her as I could to just to feel her energy. We were peas and carrots as they say.
I wonder if some of our listeners may have met certain people and you have an immediate attachment or the opposite and you didn’t trust them immediately. That gut feeling or woman’s intuition comes from a higher place.
Kathryn asks, “Tell me about the group of energies”.
Ah the group I agreed to murder. All criminals actually, and all deserving. They are offering me much thanks and appreciation for fulfilling each of their spiritual contracts. It offered them a specific spiritual growth that they had waited a few lifetimes for and was a good opportunity.
Knowing that they would have short lives launched them forward to have quicker spiritual evolution while they were waiting and to explore greater spiritual options with a wider circle of souls. Some criminals were spiritual friends and received added growth as joined souls.
Kathryn asks, “anyone else that you remember?”
My father-in-law in that life is my father-in-law in this life, I have been with him before. He is a very quiet personality, and I enjoyed him in both lives. He is definitely someone I hope to be with again.
Kathryn asks, “How far can you see into the golden light? Are there any other people or energies that you recognize?”
No. I couldn’t see because he wanted to leave and was fading into energetic mist as he entered the light. His anger had slipped away. He was at peace.
I awoke back in her office feeling rather shell shocked with emotions.
Life
Death
Love
Loss
Betrayal
Not long after this memory I was talking to my producer for the podcast about this interesting life. He was very intrigued by the signing of the spiritual contracts. When he went home that night he shared with his wife the interesting day he had with Alexander and the signing of the contracts.
She immediately asked him “does she know any of the names of the angels in the room?” The next morning when he arrived he shared her question for me. I stopped and asked “how would she know unless she was there?” Creepy crawlies completely covered my arms and back. Immediately the name “Martinique” came to mind.
I told Charly my producer that when you go home tonight, take your wife into a quiet room and tell her you are going to say a word. She just needs to respond that she recognizes it or not. Tell her just say the very first thing that comes to mind and do not edit the incoming information.
That evening he did as he was asked, and she wanted to ask questions, but she quietly sat waiting for him to reveal the word. When he said “Martinique” she cried. She knew. She was there.
After my Alexander memory, I wanted to discuss the life and Rome and other things with Pam, but Kathryn had warned me about telling her the story, because past lives need to be remembered organically. So I casually mentioned Rome and lions and a few other things, but she had no memory or feelings about Rome at all.
Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. But Pam was eager to share a memory of a completely different life, which is the next one on the list. So please continue with Pam’s past life.