Abu Shakar
This wonderful life is called Abu Shakar, from around 1531, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
I was about 12 years old when a single glimpse of this life began to affect me, and it lasted for many years in many ways, long before I had the actual past life memory. It was a tiny glimpse that kind of took over my life, even though it was something that I did not understand.
As a 12-year-old, I didn’t have any experience to assist me, and I wondered if it was connected to my other past life Child of God? I tried to explore thru my senses to see if there were any dots that I could connect, but nothing seemed to correlate. These two lives didn’t feel connected to each other.
I did not know or had any idea that the tiny blue glimpse would eventually be connected with something bigger, and ultimately, I would discover that it was actually connected to an entire lifetime and the tiny glimpse was just the tip of the iceberg.
As a kid I didn’t know anything about past lives, mainly because I didn’t yet realize that Child of God was in fact a past life. I, as a child, just didn’t identify the memory that way. Past lives were not something that any of the adults around me discussed. I had not experienced my death experience yet, so this tiny glimpse was different and unknown territory for me.
Let’s start at the beginning with my 12-year-old self, who was minding her own business going to school and playing sports. One day a pop of the color blue, popped into my mind randomly. SNAP and then it was gone. But it was an amazing iridescent blue color, different than any blue I saw around me in normal life, so unique.
Image 1
Initially it was just a blue flash, but over time it started to become a bit longer, a few seconds, and eventually it evolved into the shape of a flowing blue scarf, and it had a bit of movement. It would float or swirl or spin or flash across my mind and then it would be gone as quickly as it had come, and it may not come back for days or weeks or months. So random.
But, just when Blue Vision seemed to stabilize and I was getting used to it, I began to hear a haunting, pleading yet exciting bit of musical sound playing at the same time off in the distance. The music gradually began to join with the blue, so when I saw the blue I would hear this sound. It quickly became the new normal for some time, but then it evolved and I noticed that a strange vibrating frequency joined the combo.
There was no rhyme or reason as to when it would happen.
During the rain, no.
In the morning? No.
In the evening? no.
During a sporting event? no.
When I was lying in bed late at night? no.
It came at all those times mentioned, plus many more times over the years that followed, but nothing additional. Occasionally I could feel it coming and my skin would begin to crawl, or my palms would become sweaty, or my mind would blur, and then the blue glimpse of color, sound and frequency would engulf my mind, causing me to be dizzy. Then abruptly, it would be gone.
After several years of this uninvited phenomenon blue glimpse, I gradually noticed it was becoming a bit more intense, and I was feeling like I was being sucked into something. Sometimes I needed to stop and sit down. But, After many times passed it finally stabilized into a specific sound, color and frequency and the dizziness was tolerable.
Once, I went to a Middle Eastern bazaar and heard a familiar sounding music. The music was associated with an unknown Middle Eastern people that I was not familiar with, but the sounds called to my heart and spirit. I walked around, smiling and feeling like I was home, looking at the exotic sights. It felt nostalgic and relaxed.
One night, during a dream, I heard a distant voice calling the name Abu. It was a haunting, imploring sound, like a call to action. As I tried to kind of connect to it, the moment would be gone, and it might not return for days or weeks. Before long, the sound Abu had joined the chorus with blue color, sound and frequency, all melded together as a kind of modified Blue Glimpse, which began popping into my mind more frequently. I decided to do some research to see if I could gain any insights, and I looked up Abu at the library. I learned that the name Abu was often used to refer to a man that showed respect, usually a father figure. I wondered who this person could be and why I was hearing his name.
Whose voice was it? The sound was imploring. Was it calling the name for help? No, it sounded more happy and joyful. It sounded like a young male child’s voice, or maybe it just felt that way to my ears. I enjoyed the sound and as it drifted into my awareness I realized that this new blue glimpse of memory with Abu felt very warm and comfortable and it made me feel happier. It made me smile and I soon welcomed the arrival of the new transition.
As I lived my actual life as my young self, the blue glimpse continued popping up randomly over time, and they were getting closer together with just days or weeks apart.
Time rolled on, I grew up and the blue glimpse continued to randomly pop in. I was soon trying to extend it to something longer, I was not sure what that would be, but it just felt incomplete. Anxiety had set into my life, and the strangest things would set it off.
On the day I remembered this life, I had a great deal of anxiety because my child was going away on a trip. They would be gone, and I worried that something would happen while they were away. I was unusually anxious that they would never know how I felt about them. I feared that there would be words unspoken between us, but my three-year-old was too young to understand my fear and I didn’t know where it was coming from. I could only give a long goodbye hug and try not to frighten them with my anxiety.
2 child trip
But as I hugged them, the creepy crawlies arrived, I looked at my palms. Oh no, the blue vision, and especially the frequency had enveloped me. Abu resonated through my head and seemed to hold onto me; it was all around me. It was all around and repeating. I tried to finish the hug with a happy goodbye as best as I could and resolved to go home to rest and be alone with my thoughts.
The day was overcast and cold. I arrived home and settled into my warm bed to relax and think. I took a few deep breaths and soon the blue glimpse came back, but this time it didn’t stop. It just surrounded me, and I felt like we were drifting through time.
I took a deep breath and became comfortable.
“Let’s do this,” I thought, and I opened up to whatever experience wanted to come into my life.
I was moving through time as I drifted. We stopped and gradually my eyes began to focus, and I was aware of an immense mountain range, like a towering giant owning the land. It shot straight up into the sky. My eyes focused on the white snow-covered tops. I immediately recognized the mountain as the Himalayas. There was a strange chill in the air, and I felt a slight shiver.
3 mountains
As my awareness came up I could tell that I was at the base with of the Himalayas in a beautiful meadow sprawling out ahead of me. The sky was a gorgeous blue with small white clouds drifting by, and the intense smell of wildflowers permeated my senses. I became aware of green grass undulating and dancing in the breeze.
I thought I heard a voice calling Abu. I took a deep breath and relaxed into the sound of the voice and began to settle into the past through a haze of emotions, time and space.
I took another breath.
I began to hear Abu, Abu, Abu Shakar, wait, wait for us Abu!
I could faintly hear the sounds of the distant voice on the wind. I took another deep breath and just allowed the memory to unfold and settle into the body, I looked at my hands and from my vantage point I became aware that I was sitting on a camel. From the height, I could see across a great span of meadow with tall green grass and wildflowers. I felt my body and realized I was a man with a long beard. I ran my fingers through the beard and held the hair up so I could see them. The fine hair was silky gray and smelled of lavender. I ran my hands down my body and realized I was wearing flowing robes. My head was covered. I pulled a shawl around my shoulders to protect myself from the cold. The shawl was golden, soft and comfortable. I rubbed it against my cheek and enjoyed the familiarity.
4 Abu on Camel
“Abu Abu, Abu!”
The voice was familiar, and my palms began to sweat a bit, and I realized the voice was from my blue glimpse. The sound of the young boy’s voice was haunting, inviting. My eyes swept across the landscape and soon I saw many familiar faces and an entire band of family and friends to my right.
“Abu, Abu Shakar, it is prayer time”. The voice came very close to me.
I looked down and saw an excited group of young boys running up. Their faces shined in the afternoon light. Their smiles were electric. As I took a closer look around, I recognized all of the faces and realized they were all young relatives and friends.
In could see in his mind and I became aware that I was the leader of a group of nomads, a specific group of nomads. The word Assyrian popped into my mind and the year 1531. Some of the members were riding big camels, others were walking.
29 nomad leader
Another group of young men were running towards me to announce it was prayer time. I was proudly Muslim. I sat smiling and enjoying the moment of excitement of the boys. I loved prayer times. It was a joyous moment shared by all. I dismounted and hugged the young boys as they reached me.
5 running kids
“Abu, can I lead the prayers today, please?” the familiar voice pleaded voice.
“Pleeease?”
“I have been practicing.” His voice was determined, I had to smirk, I knew this voice so well.
“Please!”
6 boys running
“Yes, you may lead the afternoon prayers. Go and choose a good location,” I said, and immediately, the young boys dashed off prayer rugs in hand, jumping and laughing.
This was a perfect moment in time. I was in a land that I loved, surrounded by the most important people in the world. To me, the day was amazing, a glorious gift. We had our health, food and water. There was no war. We enjoyed peace and prosperity. The climate was amazing. Living the life of a nomad had so much freedom. I was able to see the world, or at least my part of it. The breeze smelled so sweet, and happiness poured over me. I felt blessed and thankful. This was a peaceful resting life to nourish my soul, and I definitely needed it.
As I stood watching the boys, I suddenly was aware of a woman appearing to my right and gently touching my arm.
“Let me walk with you, Abu,” as she gently guided me towards the young man. Her touch was so light and loving. I smiled down at her. She was wearing a beautiful headscarf. I realized that I could not walk very well on my own and I needed a cane or help.
We walked a short distance where the nomad group was gathered together lining up for prayers. The boys had taken their position at the head of the group. The one young man began the call to prayers. He raised his voice.
7 praying
“Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar”, a haunting, summoning, pleading call for all souls to stop and take refuge in the words of Allah.
I lowered my head and looked directly into the eyes of the woman I was walking with. I was momentarily frozen by her eyes. I stared into her face, memorizing all of her delicate features. She had lovely black eyes and a sweet face. She shyly put her eyes down and asked if anything was wrong.
8 Afsahar
“No, there is nothing wrong,” and I smiled at her. I gently lifted up her chin so that I could look into her eyes. This was my beloved daughter, Afsahar. I became aware that I felt completely blessed when she entered my life and has taken care of me faithfully since her mother, Rashida, passed away long ago in childbirth. I took a moment to hug her and thank her for caring for me. We walked together over to the others and began to perform our prayers.
9a teaching
Some tribe members were hunters, while others were gatherers, and some gathered a vast array of different items for medicinals, working together from cooks to medicinal preparation. A tribe member who had a special skill that they enjoyed would be given jobs in line with those skills. All tribe members worked at some job or task, from babysitters to camel trainers. As well as consuming them ourselves, we cooked and prepared them for sale at the bazaars.
28 nomad medicine
Some ingredients were made into spices or itters, which are intense perfumes. As well as using or consuming them ourselves, we cooked and prepared them for sale at the bazaars. The camaraderie, goodwill and genuine respect amongst the tribe was very deep. The love for all surrounded the entire camp. We harvested plants, animals, fish, bark and everything along the different trade routes and Silk Road.
10 nomad group
As I connected deeper with Abu’s mind, I could see a complex calendar of sorts inside of his head, instructing when and where to find just the right items growing at just the right time of the day, week, quarter or year. It was very specific as to locations, timings and choices of not only which items, but also when was the right time to harvest as well as consume. A person with a health issue would see our resident medicine woman for items to cure ailments. Our cooks were skilled at preparing wonderful, healthy foods for all.
23 harvest calendar
The tribe was very popular for the magnificent camel carpets that we produced. Some were very large and clearly were used by rich buyers with big homes. We raised camels for their hair as well as meat. Young children had the job of brushing each of them daily. They were very well maintained because the hair was gold to us. The loose hair was brushed and saved to be spun into the yarn like material for big looms to make the great, beautiful custom carpets.
I found it intriguing, as myself, to see these big looms disassembled for travel when our journey needed to continue. The ladies were quite efficient at disassembling, packing onto a camel and reassembling when we arrived at our next stopping spot. When one area’s crops had been harvested, it was time to move on.
Some of the older children had the job to sort the various baskets of colored camel hair to help create wondrous natural textile colors and patterns on these big looms to create wondrous natural colors and patterns for different textiles on the big looms and carpets. The entire tribe working in harmony was joyous to see, especially when I thought about the current troubling times that I’m living in.
11 camel hair
The vision began to fade, and I thought this would be the end of this glimpse. But suddenly I was awakened by clamoring outside of my tent and men’s voices giving instructions and orders. I went outside under the breaking morning light for prayers and realized that today was a grand day. Excitement buzzed in the air, and I was filled with excitement.
12 loaded camels
Today we would be going to the bazaar to sell our wares. We traveled through many countries on the Silk Road and sold our wares at various bazaars. The demand for our amazing camel hair carpets, various preparations and spices, was great and our tribesmen eagerly climbed onto our loaded camels for the day’s ride. It would be a glorious day. Alhamdulillah, we prayed for a safe journey.
In that moment I could hear and understand Arabic or something like it, maybe Assyrian, since I was Assyrian. I don’t know much about the different local languages, but I seemed to understand and be able to translate in that moment, it felt very natural. I learned my daughter’s name, Afsahar meant beloved, and truly she really is much beloved, and we were very close.
14 abu and daughter
I also realized that some of the music I had heard for so long is actually the Islamic call to prayers, which sounds like music to my English ears, but right now, when I hear it, I understand what is being said in this moment.
Allahu Akbar, God is great.
The sound resonating through my head.
15 call to prayers
As we traveled towards our destination, I could hear the faint sound of music in the distance as we got closer, and we knew that our caravan was headed in the right direction. We just needed to follow the sound.
16 bazaar
As we approached I immediately, personally, recognized the sound of the bazaar, that distant calling sound that had been playing in my head since I was young. It brought memories of sights and sounds of a faraway, exotic place, always beckoning me to return to the memory that was so sweet. As we arrived, all the sights and sounds surrounded us. I slipped off my camel to greet friends and meet acquaintances I had not seen recently. It seemed that I am popular and known by all. I smile and greet so many. I can smell amazing Incense, aromatic meats cooking on open fires, savory spices, exotic flowers, and all sorts of foreign aromas drifting on the wind.
Suddenly, I saw a dancer with a long blue scarf weave her way through the crowd. In the background I could hear the sound of the call to prayer and the scent of incense.
17 blue scarf bazaar
Wait, I knew that blue. I knew these sounds. I recognized these smells.
I recognized this exact moment. A specific snap shot in time.
For so many years, this moment had been playing on repeat in my mind. I have seen this glimpse a thousand times. I had to stop for a moment and savor this, because this glimpse is why I am with my husband. This moment paved the way for me to trust my husband and when I first met him, I felt a kinship with it.
The peace and tranquility of Abu’s life is a standout life in my past life experiences, and if I could, I would choose to live this life again and again. If I ever got the chance.
18 abu shakar
Loud, familiar noises and smells call all of us to buy different wares and soon the activity surrounds all of us. Our young tribesmen eagerly unloaded our wares into a large waiting stall and immediately they are surrounded by buyers. Everything will be purchased.
Today I walked through this year’s bazaar and marveled at all the new wares and at how large the bazaar had become. I wondered how much bigger it could get by next year. I remember a time when the bazaar was much smaller, and we all knew each other back then. This year it was teeming with eager buyers, sellers, beggars, dealers, money-exchanging hands. My senses were assaulted by such variety and by the end of the day I was ready to rest. I had eaten too much, talked too much, drank too much chai and sleep was calling my name. It was indeed a day of days.
19 bazaar
The prayer area was filled with family, friends and newcomers. I sat enjoying the moment to the fullest. As I retired to my tent, I stopped at the door for one last moment. I turned around and took a deep breath trying to memorize all the little details and people, essentially everything in front of me. With my age, it could easily be my last. After I adjusted myself on my favorite carpet and other young men began to arrive, a cool breeze assisted me as I drifted to sleep. The trip had been a success as I thought of the ride back home on my favorite camel.
20 camel abu
My next glimpse in this life found me lying in bed, gravely ill. I was dying. I had had a wonderful, long life and I shared it with people that I genuinely loved, and I shared it with people that I genuinely loved. My heart was full, and I have been blessed to know Islam to its greatest depths, permeating every cell of my being. In a joyous chain of memories, I prayed every single day of my life, never missing a single prayer from the time that I was aware of as a child.
21 abu prayers
I was filled with blessings and I, as myself, realized that this is my favorite past life memory. This life expanded my awareness of peace and tranquility. I learned so many wonderful things in this life. I felt like this was a vacation of sorts, and I have enjoyed each and every day, each and every person, and I always felt as if I was in the hands of Allah.
22 death
I was aware that I was a popular, kind, giving, pious man, but my end was near. I became aware that I was surrounded by men, women, children who were crying. My daughter was on my right side, her head leaning on my shoulder. She shuddered, wailing and tears flowed down her soft face. She was praying for me and in between sobs and wails I realized that she had never married. Joyous times flashed through my mind.
24 abu and daughter
She had dedicated her life to taking care of me. Now would be the time for her to move on and have her own life. I hugged her and gently whispered that I wished her peace and happiness. As-salamu alaykum, I thanked her again for her sacrifices for me and for her kindness.
Then I became aware that I was moving out of my body. I was drifting up and I was without pain. I hoped I was drifting towards paradise and my heart jumped with joy. I was so eager and ready. I turned my head to look straight up into the sky, anticipating a rejoicing, earned moment. When I was approximately ten feet above my body, I turned my head and body around and looked back at the life I was leaving behind. I smiled and I wanted to see it one last time.
25 death nomad camp
I saw that beyond the tent there were men, women and children and my favorite camel. Everyone was gathered outside my tent. I had been a good and kind leader. I smiled at their loyalty and my heart felt great joy. But abruptly I looked down and I was looking straight into my daughter’s eyes. She was looking beyond me, towards paradise. For a moment I was able to see the future. It flashed before my eyes in that moment of transition and fear shot through my veins.
26 drifting away (need image)
Wait. I yelled loudly, frantically.
I struggled to get back into my body.
I reached out my hand to grab my body one last time.
Just one moment, stop. Just one final word please.
One more moment, just one more word.
But tragically, I continued to drift away. I watched as my daughter’s tears ran down her cheeks and I became agonizingly aware that she would never be the same, that she would never marry and enjoy life, that she would grieve for me the rest of her life.
Oh no, there was nothing I could do to stop it, and it hurt every cell in my body to be aware of it.
Why, oh why, did this have to happen? This was a fantastic life, but agony swept over me, and I demanded to know what I had done wrong to deserve this painful awareness.
At the end, I loved her more than I loved anything that was alive in my life, but all she will remember of me is that I’m gone. I will never return. She will grieve.
27 grief
Her grief will surround her and suffocate her ability to enjoy life ever again. I saw it. I saw the future. She will never marry, never have children.
I can see it, but I continued to drift, and I was aware that the deep love I had felt for her was something that we never spoke of. I never said dear, please, when I am gone, please continue your life, marry and enjoy life. She had loved me so deeply, but I realized that love is a two-way street. During my life I had received and taken much love from her and everyone else, but did I return that love? Did I shower her with the kind of love that she gave me?
Why had I not insisted that she marry?
The joy of children and grandchildren was a missing part of both of our lives. I continued to drift along, and the angels began arriving to greet me. My anguish prevented me from fully enjoying the moment. I should have taken the time when I was alive to talk to her and insisted that she enjoy her life and not completely focus on me.
I became aware gradually of myself again. I realized I was crying for his grief and maybe mine, for his sadness. It physically hurt me to know the depth of his despair.
As this past life memory began to wear off and I became fully present in myself, I realized this pain I was feeling was familiar.
Yes, this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach was indeed familiar to me. On one hand I examined the feeling of Abu and on the other hand I looked at my anxiety. It was the same feeling I was experiencing when I was away from my children.
The same anxiety.
The feeling that I had to share one last word with my loved ones during specific moments.
It was the same memory, the same feeling. I could almost smell, feel and taste the past life memory as it wound its way through the emotions of the present. It tugged at the anxiety disorder that I was trying to leave behind.
This life and my current life were connected with this exact moment of loss that Abu felt when he left, and it felt like a sensory trigger activated it.
I blinked my eyes over and over, and each time I held this past life memory beside the memory from today when my young child relative left, the emotions were the same. It radiated with a frequency that was so unique it could be compared with the smell of coffee, completely different from any other memories. This panic disorder stemmed from this time.
Over the subsequent years I was able to work on this connection with the past so that my anxiety disorder could be reduced, and I would not be so fearful when young family members went away from me and my anxiety gradually started to dissipate.
I am thankful to Abu for his entire life and for other reasons, because this was the beginning of a healing time for me.
I call this life Abu Shakar and it was remembered spontaneously, similar to Child of God, in other words, I was alone, without help or assistance or structure when I remembered it, as opposed to a specific past life regression situation where there would be a therapist to guide and assist me.